11 Financial Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship

Financial compatibility, though less romantic than shared hobbies or emotional depth, is a fundamental pillar of a durable, healthy partnership. You and your partner might be the perfect match in countless personal ways, but the reality of managing joint expenses, debt, and long-term goals introduces a wholly different—and often harsher—set of challenges. Not everyone is naturally great with money, and that fact alone isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker. However, if financial issues become a persistent, recurring theme marked by secrecy, avoidance, or irresponsibility, they will inevitably place severe pressure on your relationship and cause future conflict, resentment, and even eventual collapse.

So, how do you distinguish between occasional poor habits and a genuinely toxic financial pattern? And how many money-related issues are too many? The good news is, you don’t need to turn into a private investigator to figure this out; you simply need clear awareness and intentional conversation.

According to psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD—known as “Dr. Romance” and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together—couples can sometimes unknowingly commit what’s called “financial infidelity.” She explains that this usually occurs when couples actively avoid open discussions about money, want to steer clear of conflict, or feel profoundly out of control financially but are unwilling to admit their difficulty or seek help. Persistent financial troubles may signal that your partner isn’t putting the relationship’s health first or may lack the necessary discipline to build a stable life. Dr. Tessina warns, “It can be just as damaging as cheating, even if many people don’t view it that way.” The damage is to the foundation of trust.

Here are 11 critical financial red flags to keep on your radar—because recognizing these signs early can make all the difference in protecting your future and your emotional well-being.

I. Red Flags of Secrecy and Dishonesty (Financial Infidelity)

The most corrosive financial issues are those rooted in a lack of transparency, which directly violates the trust essential for partnership.

1. They’ve Kept Their Debt a Secret

Debt alone is not a red flag; massive student loans, medical bills, or a necessary car loan are common realities. The problem arises when your partner actively conceals the total amount they owe or flat-out denies it entirely, especially if you are seriously planning a shared future, merging assets, or buying property.

According to Dr. Tessina, this secrecy may signal deep-seated denial or avoidance regarding reality, both of which can create devastating, long-term trust issues when the truth inevitably surfaces. She strongly recommends pursuing both financial counseling (to address the debt) and relationship counseling (to address the breach of trust) to begin working toward absolute transparency.

2. They’re Not Honest About Their Spending

If you discover unexplained receipts, hidden credit card statements, or large, unmentioned purchases your partner made without discussing them—especially if this spending impacted your joint savings goals or created financial strain—that is far more than just poor communication.

The Core Issue: The primary concern isn’t the spending itself; it’s the fact that they dipped into your joint finances or personal reserves without telling you and then actively hid the transaction or became defensive when questioned. Dr. Tessina warns that dishonesty around money, combined with secretive behavior, is incredibly damaging because it breaks the promise of partnership.

3. Their Credit Score Is a Mystery

In modern adult life, a credit score is a vital metric that determines your shared ability to achieve major life goals. If your partner actively avoids talking about their credit score, changes the topic when it comes up, or seems resistant to pulling a report, proceed with extreme caution.

The Consequence: Poor credit can hold both of you back from shared goals, such as securing a lease for an apartment, qualifying for a home mortgage, or even getting favorable interest rates on loans. This isn’t always an insurmountable dealbreaker—everyone can recover their credit—but if this secrecy is one of several issues, it could be a sign of a deeper, ongoing problem of financial avoidance or irresponsibility.

4. They Avoid Money Conversations Altogether

Good, continuous communication is critical in any partnership—and that includes open discussions about finances. If your partner consistently shuts down, withdraws, or gets angry every time you bring up money, this avoidance can lead to massive, unmanaged issues down the line.

The Avoidance Trap: Dr. Tessina strongly advises keeping money conversations frequent and normalized. The more normal and less emotionally charged it becomes to talk about finances, the easier it will be to make smart, joint decisions and collaboratively plan for the future. Consistent avoidance is a sign that one partner is unwilling to face reality with you.

II. Red Flags of Immaturity and Irresponsibility

These issues relate to a partner’s inability to manage basic adult financial duties, often due to a lack of discipline or priority.

5. They Rely Heavily on Credit Cards

If your partner has developed a chronic credit card habit that consistently affects their ability to meet important financial responsibilities—such as neglecting basic needs or debt repayment for the sake of excessive, instant gratification shopping—this is a serious and urgent red flag.

The Compulsive Pattern: This behavior often signals compulsive or addictive spending tendencies that require intervention. In one real-life example, a partner had to confront their spouse’s excessive spending, which directly impacted the children’s needs for school supplies. In situations like these, financial help from an advisor and emotional support from a therapist may be necessary to understand the root cause and establish strong, protective boundaries.

6. They Regularly Miss Bill Payments

While an occasional, honest late payment happens to everyone, a consistent, unconcerned pattern of neglecting to pay bills on time—especially major ones like rent, utilities, or loan installments—signals a critical lack of financial responsibility.

Shared Consequences: If you live together, a partner’s consistent negligence could negatively affect both of your credit scores, damage your rental history, and potentially lead to service disruption. More importantly, it may reflect a profound lack of consideration for the negative impact of their habits on your shared life and security.

7. They Struggle to Stick to a Budget

If creating a responsible budget is second nature to you but your partner continually and habitually goes off course, it’s an issue that requires immediate, gentle, but firm addressing.

The Goal Misalignment: Set aside dedicated time to talk openly about your financial goals and collaborate on a spending plan. Personal finance expert Brianna McGurran suggests using the common 50/30/20 rule: spend 50% on necessities, 30% on wants, and save or pay off debt with the remaining 20%. Start with small, achievable adjustments, like lowering recurring bills, and work from there. The inability to stick to a mutual agreement demonstrates a failure of commitment.

8. They Don’t Have Savings or Investment Plans

When you discuss your mutual future, does your partner go blank when you mention retirement plans, a savings account, or a 401(k)? If they show no interest in proactive saving or investing, that is a substantial concern—particularly if you plan to build a long-term future together.

Future Vulnerability: McGurran notes that poor saving habits eventually affect both partners, leaving the relationship vulnerable to unforeseen emergencies (medical, job loss). Encouraging them to start small—like setting aside a tiny percentage of their paycheck or enrolling in an employer’s matching 401(k) program—can be a crucial first step toward demonstrating adult responsibility.

9. They Frequently Borrow From Friends or Family

Everyone hits temporary rough patches that require a loan, but if your partner is regularly and repeatedly asking others (parents, siblings, friends) for money, and showing no consistent effort to achieve genuine financial stability, it’s a pattern worth urgently examining.

Dependency: Zoe Coetzee, a relationship psychologist, explains that frequent borrowing without consistent repayment can suggest a deep-seated dependency and a critical lack of financial boundaries and planning. This pattern signals that the partner views others as an endless safety net rather than taking responsibility for their own sustainability.

III. Red Flags of Financial Control and Value Mismatch

These issues strike at the heart of equality and core value alignment, which are non-negotiable for a healthy partnership.

10. They Try to Control How You Spend Money

There is a huge, critical difference between offering constructive financial advice and attempting to control your partner’s resources. If your partner dictates how you must use your own money, limits your access to joint or personal funds, or insists on managing everything themselves without transparency, it is a serious red flag that crosses into abuse.

Financial Abuse: Coetzee warns that using money as a form of control is a clear sign of financial abuse. Being given an exact “allowance,” being actively denied access to joint accounts or bank information, or being discouraged from working are all severe warning signs that must never be ignored. This tactic is used to limit the victim’s autonomy and make leaving impossible.

11. Your Financial Values Don’t Match

Even after many discussions and attempts at compromise, you and your partner may find your core money values simply don’t align. Perhaps one of you saves diligently for every eventuality, while the other spends impulsively on experiences—and this difference is causing persistent, ongoing conflict.

Lasting Incompatibility: Coetzee notes that fundamentally different financial values can be a major obstacle, especially when it comes to long-term plans like buying a home or raising children. If neither of you is willing to compromise or meet halfway, this disparity may become a lasting, intractable incompatibility that threatens the relationship’s foundation.

Final Thoughts: Prioritizing Transparency and Trust

Money can be one of the most sensitive, conflict-ridden topics in any relationship, but it is also one of the most important for shared success. Recognizing these red flags early on is essential to help you protect not only your financial future but also your emotional well-being and sense of security.

The best defense is proactive honesty. Start the conversation early, keep it frequent, be honest about your own history, and demand transparency from your partner. Remember: the most successful relationships are built on trust, openness, and a genuine commitment to navigating shared goals together.

11 Financial Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship