When a relationship ends, the last thing you might expect is a message from your ex. But one day, a text or a carefully worded email pops up—and suddenly, you’re left wondering whether it means they’re considering getting back together.
Before jumping to conclusions or replying right away, take a moment to pause. Often, it becomes clear—just from their tone—that they’re reaching out because they’re feeling lonely, bored, or struggling to move on. If your ex wasn’t a healthy influence in your life, or if they had a habit of reeling you back in for the wrong reasons, it may be best to keep your distance. That said, according to certified health coach Isadora Baum, there are instances where reconnecting can actually lead to a stronger relationship. It all depends on why the breakup happened, how much time has passed, and whether both people have taken the time to grow and mature.
If you’re starting to think there’s a real chance at reconnection, look for subtle cues that your ex might still have feelings. But don’t let speculation run wild before addressing it directly. Licensed clinical psychologist Jaclyn Lopez Witmer shared with Bustle, “I would encourage [a client] to bring that up with the ex so they can know [definitively] and not continue to wonder and build up something in their mind that isn’t based in reality.” While some signals may seem obvious, it’s still important to stay grounded and take their actions at face value.
“Signs can sometimes offer clues, but unless the ex is ready to be vulnerable and say something like, ‘I want to try again—how do you feel about that?’ it’s not really worth exhausting yourself trying to interpret subtle gestures,” Witmer explains.
So, before diving into a potential round two and channeling your inner Bennifer comeback, reflect on why things didn’t work out in the first place. Consider whether real change has happened—whether your ex has grown, acknowledged past mistakes, or if you’re both more prepared to make the relationship work this time around. In any case, it’s smart to move forward carefully when reading into the signs of a possible reunion.
If you’re feeling uncertain, check out these 24 low-key signs they may be open to rekindling the flame. If several seem familiar, it might be time for an honest conversation to explore how you truly feel and decide what comes next.
1. They’re Making an Effort to Reconnect
Not every message from an ex means they want a fresh start. Sometimes it’s just a friendly “hello.” But if they’re texting frequently and the tone feels personal or emotionally open, there might be more behind it.
Matchmaker and rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman says to notice whether your ex is just sending a vague “what’s up?” or genuinely asking about your life—like your job or family. That level of interest often signals they’re trying to reconnect meaningfully.
2. They’re Always the One Starting Conversations
According to Bregman, if your ex consistently reaches out first and responds quickly to your replies, it’s usually a sign that they’re still emotionally invested.
3. They Open Up About Their Life
If the conversations go beyond small talk or surface-level topics, it may mean they’re looking to rebuild intimacy. Bregman points out that a willingness to be open and personal—especially without prompting—is a good sign they’re trying to reestablish emotional connection.
4. They’re Curious About Your Love Life
Even though your relationship status might be visible online, if they keep steering the conversation toward who you’re seeing (or not seeing), Bregman says that’s likely their way of checking your availability.
5. They Show Hints of Jealousy
A casual ex won’t be bothered when you mention recent dates. But if they act distant or upset, Bregman suggests it may be because they still care and were hoping for another chance.
6. They Bring Up That They’re Single
If your ex is suddenly dropping hints about their single status, there’s probably a reason they’re making sure you know, Bregman says. If you’re open to the idea, this might be your cue to meet up and feel things out.
7. They Stay Active on Your Social Media
Relationship counselor Jonathan Bennett says an uptick in likes, views, or comments from your ex could mean they’re thinking about you more than usual.
8. They Reminisce About the Good Times
When your ex brings up happy memories from your relationship, Bennett says it might be their way of testing the waters and signaling they’re open to revisiting the past.
9. They Find Excuses to Talk to You
Licensed marriage and family therapist Kiaundra Jackson says seemingly random messages like, “This burger reminds me of you,” could actually be subtle ways your ex is trying to re-engage without being direct.
10. They Try to Spark Jealousy
If your ex is flaunting their dating life online—especially in ways that seem pointed—it might be an attempt to provoke a reaction. But Jackson warns this tactic says more about their emotional immaturity than their true feelings.
11. They Want to Talk About the Breakup
Relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad says a willingness to discuss the breakup could either mean they’re looking for closure—or seriously thinking about making things right and giving it another go.
12. They Leave Belongings Behind
If your ex still hasn’t picked up that hoodie or book, Milrad says it might be intentional. Holding onto small items gives them a built-in excuse to reconnect in the future.
13. They Own Up to Their Mistakes
Marriage and family therapist Christie Tcharkhoutian says that when an ex takes responsibility for the breakup, it might not just be about closure—it could be an effort to repair what was lost and show you they’re serious about change.
14. They’re Asking Your Friends About You
If mutual friends mention that your ex has been checking in or asking how you’re doing, Tcharkhoutian says it’s a sign you’re still on their mind—and possibly their heart.
15. They Keep in Touch Consistently
One message could mean nothing. But if they’re texting regularly, therapist Laura Richer says it might be because they miss the comfort of your connection—and are considering rekindling things.
16. They Suddenly Need Help With Odd Tasks
Asking for your help with simple things like hanging a picture or fixing a password might just be a clever way to get face time. Jackson recommends asking what they really want if their “requests” feel forced.
17. They Mention a Recent Breakup
If they’ve just ended another relationship and suddenly pop back into your life, it might be because they’re reassessing what they had with you and wondering if it’s worth revisiting.
18. They Talk About Their Personal Growth
According to Dr. Markesha Miller, when an ex talks about how much they’ve matured or changed, it’s sometimes their way of saying they’re finally ready to be a better partner—without saying it outright.
19. They Start Showing Up With Their New Partner
Miller says that if your ex seems to go out of their way to bring a new flame around mutual friends or shared hangouts, they may be trying to send a message—though it’s rarely a healthy one.
20. They’re Genuinely Excited to Hear From You
Relationship coach Chris Seiter says enthusiasm is a strong sign. If you message them and they respond quickly, warmly, and with energy, they might still have strong feelings. A flat or indifferent tone, however, usually means they’ve moved on.
21. They Apologize Sincerely
If your ex reaches out to make a heartfelt apology, it’s often a sign that they’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Clinical psychologist Jaclyn Lopez Witmer says accountability is key—and sometimes a first step toward rebuilding trust.
22. They Stay Close With Your Family
Whether it’s remembering birthdays or keeping in touch with your parents, Miller says this might be more than kindness. It could be a way of holding onto a sense of connection to you.
23. They Ask If They Can Reflect With You
Lopez Witmer explains that when your ex asks if they can share their thoughts about the breakup—with your permission—it shows respect for your emotional boundaries and a possible desire to reconnect thoughtfully.
24. They Turn to You for Emotional Support
If they’re going through something tough and you’re the one they lean on, it might reflect more than just habit. It could be a sign that you still feel safe to them, and that they’re looking to rebuild the emotional bond you once shared.
No single sign guarantees your ex wants you back—but if you’re noticing several of these behaviors, it may be worth having a candid conversation.
As Dr. Miller puts it: “Make sure you’re considering a second chance because there’s real evidence for a healthier future—not just because you want it to work.” In many cases, letting go is still the better path.
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