A perfect date night can be incredibly intimate and memorable, from the main course to the final treat. And speaking of treats, delectable sweets aren’t the only indulgence you and your partner can share. If you’re looking to add something truly special to your next intimate encounter (or anytime, really), I’m here to share the connection styles most likely to result in physical fulfillment for women. To get the expert advice, Elite Daily consulted with relationship expert Lola Jean and Dr. Jess O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast—and you might find their suggestions quite delightful.
Being imaginative, spontaneous, and introducing novelty into your intimate life—whether it involves partnered physical closeness or solo play—can significantly enhance the experience. Jean points out that there’s technically no “guarantee” of a complete physical release during partnered activity, as the external pleasure area’s sensitivity is constantly changing, particularly around the menstrual cycle. “Moreover, most individuals with external pleasure features need external stimulation in order to achieve fulfillment,” she explains. So while the connection styles listed below are excellent choices for heated moments, they are not the only ways to achieve release. (In fact, Jean added, when it comes to intimacy, “We should be questioning and challenging ourselves on how we define physical connection and why the sole focus remains on partnered acts.”)
Below, you will find connection styles that significantly boost your chances of reaching completion, primarily because they are movements that facilitate external pleasure point stimulation. (However, Jean notes that although “you can access the external pleasure point internally—the so-called internal pleasure zone—it’s important to recognize this area is also part of the external pleasure point, and it doesn’t make one form of release [internal or external] superior to the other.”) These are moves you can try with a partner, but many can also be easily adapted for solo pleasure. If you identify as femme, here are some connection styles to experiment with.
1. The Elevated Foundation
You can completely revamp the Classic Face-to-Face Approach just by placing a pillow underneath you! While this style often gets a reputation for being simple, this variation is truly rewarding. Lie on your back, get into the Classic Face-to-Face Approach, and place your softest pillow right under your hips. This action should slightly raise your entire lower body off the surface, enabling deeper contact during partnered activity. Wrapping your legs around your partner can add even more depth. Jean highlights this style as fantastic due to “the elevated and curved position of the pelvis” it creates.“When you lift your hips or arch your back (similar to the ‘Cat’ pose in yoga), you reduce the distance of your pelvis, allowing for easier access to your [internal pleasure zone]. This style is also physically comfortable since the hips are one of our strongest and most stable areas. Press and move your hips side-to-side and in circles for added external pleasure point stimulation through body-on-body friction,” she advises. For more command in this style, Jean suggests having your partner “stay still as you move and press on them, and vice versa, to find which combination of motions feels best.”
2. The Hinged Embrace
This is another great modification of the Classic Approach, which Jean notes is a popular style for several reasons. “By raising and ‘folding’ your body in half, you shorten the distance of your pelvis. You are also in a hinged position, so every time your partner leans forward, you increase the angle of your elevation,” she says. If you experience any internal discomfort, Jean advises avoiding this style since it offers less control over contact depth. Relationship expert Carol Queen tells Elite Daily that this style is excellent for dynamic pelvic movement because you essentially move like a “folding chair.” With your legs resting on your partner’s shoulders, it allows for a bit more movement than if you were lying flat.
3. Intimate Side-Lying
For this style, get into a cozy, side-by-side closeness position and let your partner engage you from behind. “The close proximity of this style, combined with the relative stability of your legs, makes this option great for those who might find extensive movement uncomfortable,” Jean explains. “Stay stable and focus on small hip movements, while also engaging your pelvic floor muscles against each other.” She adds, “It’s important to remember many intimate styles can be uncomfortable even with lots of moisture product. This style is a great gentle start to ease into things and boost your own natural wetness.” Dr. O’Reilly suggests bringing a “pleasure air device” into the side-lying position, noting the We-Vibe Melt is an excellent slim-profile device for couples. She says, “Many people call these ‘suction devices,’ but they create powerful pleasure using tiny air waves applied directly to the external pleasure point (or any area you choose). The Melt is perfect for partnered play (you can even control it via an app if you want), allowing either of you to take charge.” Jean also recommends using a product like OhNut that benefits both people. Queen suggests a couple of other “fulfillment-enhancing tools,” including constriction rings and the We-Vibe Unite. She notes that most of these items enhance connection styles and provide effective external pleasure point stimulation.
4. The Rider’s Delight
There is nothing quite like being on top to give you complete command over your pleasure. You dictate the speed, the depth of contact, and the internal angles being engaged. So, get on top, lower yourself onto your partner, and begin moving up and down. “If you truly want to maximize your chance of achieving fulfillment via partnered activity, this should be your first choice because this style provides the easiest access for external stimulation,” Jean advises. Queen notes that the Rider on Top style allows “the ‘rider’ to concentrate fully on what brings them the most pleasure. Not only can the person on top easily touch their own external pleasure point, but their partner can too.” By leaning forward in this style, you can achieve “external pleasure point-to-pelvic bone pressure,” which can help the rider reach completion. Dr. O’Reilly suggests trying out the Sleeping Rider variation. She says, “Instead of sitting upright, lie down and squeeze your legs together. Your partner can still move in and out while you press against their body, increasing the likelihood of complete physical release.”
5. The Backward Glide
The regular Rider on Top is great, but you get even more control with the reverse version of this classic style. Get on top as you normally would, but turn your body around so your back is facing your partner. When you are reversed, the angle of contact allows for easier, more continuous access to the internal pleasure zone. Dr. O’Reilly suggests, “Have your partner bend their legs with their feet flat on the bed. You can then press yourself against their thighs for added friction.” If you are not focused on direct internal contact, Queen mentions that you can enjoy pleasure from styles like The Rider and Reverse Rider by trying strap-on play with a pleasure device. “These can resemble a male pleasure area, but not everyone prefers that, so they can also have very different shapes and be thought of as pleasure tools rather than optional body features,” Queen says.
6. The Double Elevation
Lie on your stomach and have your partner lie on their stomach on top of your back. The visual should resemble both of you attempting to do a synchronized body wave. Your partner can either support themselves on their hands in a slight push-up position or simply let their stomach rest on your back. Now, lift your hips so they can engage you from behind. Jean says, “This style is wonderful for deeper contact with minimal movement required, while also providing close physical contact and a nice, firm weight from their body on top of yours. It’s also an easy style on both partners’ hips.” Dr. O’Reilly suggests “wrapping your hands around your external pleasure area with your palm on your pubic bone and your fingers along your external tissues to create a pocket. Press, pulse, rub, and move to your heart’s content.” She says you can also use the We-Vibe Touch tool for an extra boost.
7. The Edge-of-Bed Lift
If keeping both partners on the bed is becoming repetitive, try shifting things around. Your partner can stand on the floor in front of the bed while you slide down to the very edge of the mattress and open your legs. Your partner can engage you while standing, and the perpendicular angle makes your external pleasure point more accessible, making it easier for them—or you—to touch it. Lift your hips slightly and place one leg on your partner’s shoulder for even deeper contact. Queen notes that the height of both your bed and your partner will affect this style. She recommends adding a pillow under your hips or trying intimate connection furniture. And if you want to turn the intensity up, Dr. O’Reilly says, “Try this same style but from behind (by rolling onto your stomach) with a few pillows tucked beneath your hips.”
8. The Gentle Swirl
This style requires very little strenuous effort. Have your partner sit up normally while you straddle them, facing each other. Now, instead of moving up and down, simply swirl your body around and rock back and forth, hitting the area of your internal pleasure zone repeatedly. Lean backward for better access to the external pleasure point. Similar to the Rider on Top, Jean says this style allows you “to get your movement on” and control the amount of pressure you desire. According to WomensHealthMag.com, straddling your partner is a fantastic move because it places you in complete control. You decide how quickly or slowly to move for ultimate pleasure. In addition to these options, Dr. O’Reilly suggests further movements you can try, including the Rocking Horse: “Sit all the way down and rock your hips from front to back. Imagine yourself sensually moving on a rocking horse for this move”; Kneeling Closeness: “Lean backward in a kneeling position and move up and down”; or creating variation by “alternating between 10 very shallow moves and 10 deep ones pressing your external tissues and lower thighs into [your partner’s] hips/pelvis.”
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