No matter how much you enjoy the Classic Face-to-Face Connection—and it remains a classic for excellent reasons—repetition is the greatest enemy of passion. Routines, while comfortable and secure, can eventually lead to a predictable plateau in your intimate life. To keep the spark vital, it is often necessary to inject intentional novelty, whether through exploring a long-held curiosity, trying out a new enhancement, or experimenting with a more complex, physically challenging connection style.
San Francisco–based therapist and relationship expert Celeste Hirschman, MA, co-founder of the Somatica Method, explains that it is completely normal to crave novelty, especially in long-term relationships. “Monogamy can become predictable, and creativity is vital to keeping intimacy strong. It’s about making a conscious effort to try new things together,” she says.
The Power of Collaborative Discovery
Hirschman also points out that the real value of learning a new or more complex connection style lies not in the performance, but in the process. “The fun is in the discovery—the playfulness, the teamwork, and the collaboration. That kind of shared experience builds trust and closeness,” she adds.
Relationship educator Goody Howard seconds this, warning against the common mistake of “chasing performance instead of pleasure.” She emphasizes that complexity should never replace comfort or safety. If a move leaves you unable to breathe properly or hold your body comfortably, Howard advises stopping immediately—safety and pleasure must always come first.
However, “expert-level” does not necessarily mean acrobatics. It simply means connection styles requiring more rhythm, balance, or coordination, often utilizing props (like a foam pillow wedge) to precisely change angles and enhance fulfillment.
Here are nine complex connection styles to consider, always approached with comfort, communication, and mutual curiosity in mind.
I. Grounded Approaches Maximizing Depth and Angle
These styles offer high-sensation fulfillment by using supported positions and physical geometry to achieve deeper angles and target specific pleasure zones.
1. The Butterfly
This style is a sophisticated, playful twist on the Classic Face-to-Face Approach, leveraging flexibility to create optimal internal angles.
- How to Engage: The receiving partner lies flat on their back. The key is to pull the knees up toward the chest, keeping the soles of the feet planted or slightly lifted, while the partner engages from above.
- Why It Works: Pulling the knees up creates a pronounced pelvic tilt and lift, which allows the engaging partner to achieve deeper angles and more complete contact. The increased flexibility also allows for dynamic changes in movement and pacing.
2. The L-Shape
This is a stable, comfortable approach that uses the edge of the bed to leverage gravity and allow for maximum depth and visual engagement.
- How to Engage: The receiving partner lies back on the edge of a bed or stable surface with their legs stretched out straight and slightly apart to the side, so their body forms a distinct “L” shape. The engaging partner stands at the edge, holding the partner’s hips for stability as they engage from above.
- Why It Works: The vertical angle achieved by the standing partner allows for exceptionally deep, satisfying angles that are difficult to achieve in standard horizontal positions. The bed edge provides crucial stability and comfort for the legs and upper body.
8. The Crossed Connection (Closeness Variation)
This style relies on intertwining the lower bodies to lock the partners together, enhancing both the emotional and physical connection.
- How to Engage: Both partners sit facing each other with knees bent, leaning back slightly on their arms for support. They then move closer until their bodies align, interlocking their legs or placing their feet at the partner’s hips.
- Why It Works: Intertwined closeness is deeply intimate. This style allows for unique angles of external friction as the partners press together, while the visual and emotional connection remains high due to the face-to-face orientation. It is a fantastic style for slow, sustained exploration.
II. Utilizing Elevation and Strength: The Shared Challenge
These styles intentionally introduce an element of physical challenge, relying on teamwork and core strength to elevate the experience, transforming the act into a collaborative, non-competitive sport.
3. The Supported Lift (and Seated Variation)
This approach offers both a standing challenge and a modified seated version, creating unique visual and physical angles.
- Standing Challenge: The engaging partner stands, while the receiving partner places their hands on the floor (or a stable surface) and allows the partner to hold their legs elevated behind them. This requires significant arm and core strength.
- Seated Variation: The engaging partner sits at the edge of a bed or chair. The receiving partner faces away, sits in their lap, and gradually extends their arms to the floor with legs outstretched.
- Why It Works: This style offers a unique angle of movement where visual appeal meets intense physical contact. The challenge of holding the position releases adrenaline and endorphins, heightening the sensation of intimacy.
5. Shoulder Lift Against the Wall
This is the most adventurous elevated approach, demanding mutual trust and a clear focus on support and balance.
- How to Engage: The engaging partner must be strong enough to lift the receiving partner onto their shoulders while the receiver faces them. The engaging partner then leans the receiver gently against a sturdy wall for support.
- Why It Works: This extreme vertical position allows the engaging partner to achieve a unique, powerful angle from below while giving the receiver a completely new perspective and the thrill of feeling weightless. The reliance on the partner for support significantly enhances the sense of intimacy and trust.
6. Upstanding Straddle (The Transitional Approach)
This offers a simpler, more transitional approach to elevation, maximizing closeness without requiring the extreme strength of a full lift.
- How to Engage: Begin by sitting comfortably on your partner’s lap while they are on a chair or bed. As they slowly rise to their feet, wrap your legs securely around them while they maintain support around your back and thighs.
- Why It Works: This creates immediate, intense closeness and intensity. It is a smooth, romantic transition that involves a mix of shared strength and emotional intimacy, keeping the focus entirely on mutual touch and sustained body contact.
III. Advanced Coordination: Human Puzzles and Total Closeness
These styles are complex because they require partners to coordinate their bodies in ways that are counterintuitive, maximizing skin contact and mutual engagement.
2. Face-to-Face Stack (The Human Puzzle)
This style is challenging because it requires partners to stack their bodies in a parallel orientation, resembling a human puzzle.
- How to Engage: The first partner lies flat on their back. The second partner lies directly on top, also on their back, completely parallel. With careful maneuvering, direct contact is possible.
- Why It Works: The gentle pressing from above adds intensity and encourages deep, pervasive skin contact. The orientation allows for back and neck kisses, which can heighten the moment through unexpected sensuality and total weight distribution.
7. Wrapped Lotus (Grounded Intimacy)
This is a grounded, deeply spiritual style that requires hip flexibility but offers profound eye contact and physical immersion.
- How to Engage: The engaging partner sits cross-legged (in the lotus or tailor position). The receiving partner then climbs onto their lap facing them, wrapping their legs around the outside of the partner’s hips.
- Why It Works: This is a supremely cozy and deeply connective style that centers the experience entirely on sustained eye contact, kissing, and embracing. The position forces both partners to be grounded and present, transforming the connection into a meditative, intimate embrace. Stretching beforehand is highly recommended due to the required hip flexibility.
9. The Crisscross Lift
This approach combines elevation with a locked, crisscrossed lower body, ensuring a high-sensation experience for the receiver.
- How to Engage: The receiving partner lies on the edge of the bed with their legs raised and crossed into an “X” over the engaging partner’s shoulders. The engaging partner kneels or stands at the bed’s edge.
- Why It Works: The crossed legs position increases the tension and sensation for the receiver while giving the engaging partner more control. Experts recommend adding a pillow under the hips to increase comfort and further improve the optimal angle for internal stimulation and deep, focused contact.
IV. Final Thoughts: Safety, Teamwork, and Pleasure
The pursuit of complex connection styles is a journey of shared learning that can dramatically strengthen a relationship. Remember the key advice from Goody Howard: The goal is not to chase performance or complexity; the goal is to find approaches that feel exciting and deeply satisfying for both partners.
The true mark of an “expert-level” intimate life is the quality of the communication and teamwork, not the flexibility of the participants. Approach these approaches as a joint adventure, prioritize comfort, and enjoy the delightful process of discovering new ways to connect.
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