The most durable and fulfilling relationships are built on a sensitive, continuous balance of give and take. When your efforts, care, emotional labor, and fundamental presence begin to go systematically unnoticed or unappreciated, it creates a corrosive effect that hurts both your individual self-worth and the underlying health of your partnership. That’s why the ability to accurately spot the signs that you’re being taken for granted is so vitally important—it provides the clarity needed to decide the best path forward with your significant other, whether that involves communication, renegotiation, or separation.
If you are sensing that you’re being undervalued, it is wise to initially proceed with caution. Sometimes, this uneasy feeling stems from a temporary lapse in communication—a “gratitude gap”—that you and your partner can resolve together, as explained by sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D. “Often, we don’t realize we’re asking too much from our partner or taking them for granted because we’ve grown used to certain kinds of support, love, or attention,” she tells Bustle. She notes that this is often simply a lack of effective expression: “We may feel thankful but fail to express it in a way our partner truly understands.”
However, sometimes that uneasy feeling is more than just a passing miscommunication. It could be a clear, alarming signal that your partner isn’t showing you the basic respect, consideration, or appreciation you deserve—a serious warning sign that the relationship may be at severe risk, warns Teresa Newsome, a certified Planned Parenthood responsible sexuality educator. To help you precisely figure out if you’re genuinely being taken for granted, experts share 13 unmistakable signs you should be aware of.
I. Communication and Validation: The Loss of Respect
The first place where being taken for granted manifests is in the way your partner interacts with your words, thoughts, and emotional contributions.
1. They Rarely Say Thank You
Whether you’re consistently cooking dinner, meticulously organizing date nights, managing the household calendar, or initiating emotional support, your efforts matter. If your partner almost never expresses genuine gratitude—even for significant, regular efforts—it may mean they’ve started to view these contributions as an automatic given, rather than a deliberate act of love or service.
- The Gratitude Gap: As sexologist Jess O’Reilly explains, “In smooth-running partnerships, we often overlook the work our partner does because it feels automatic. This can lead to taking each other for granted.” She suggests openly discussing the frequency and nature of each other’s contributions to proactively bridge this gap in expressed appreciation.
2. They Ignore Your Opinions or Don’t Seek Your Advice
In a healthy, balanced partnership, both voices carry equal weight. A clear sign of being taken for granted is when your partner doesn’t ask for, genuinely listen to, or explicitly value your perspective or counsel.
- The Bystander Role: Teresa Newsome, the Planned Parenthood educator, says this often signals that you’re being seen more as a bystander in their life than as an equal, valued decision-maker. Your voice deserves to be heard, and your thoughts and feelings hold value. Letting your partner know you want to be actively involved in major and minor decisions can quickly reveal how much they genuinely respect your role as a life partner.
3. They Dismiss or Minimize Your Concerns
Constantly being gaslighted, told you’re “overreacting,” or having your feelings minimized by your partner is profoundly unhealthy. This is not benign neglect; it is an active invalidation of your reality.
- Toxic Power Imbalance: O’Reilly notes this behavior points directly to a toxic power imbalance, where one partner asserts psychological control by denying the other’s emotional truth. This is a severe form of disrespect. If it is safe to do so, you must stand up for yourself and name the behavior, but if the situation feels emotionally or physically threatening, the priority shifts to seeking immediate support from trusted people to protect your well-being.
4. They Don’t Ask About Your Day
While it seems like a small, mundane courtesy, neglecting simple, consistent check-ins is a subtle but potent sign of emotional neglect. It can mean your partner isn’t paying close enough attention to the details of your life, feelings, or stress levels.
- Emotional Neglect: Whether this omission stems from simple forgetfulness or a genuine lack of emotional care, not asking about your day is a subtle sign that your internal life is not a priority. A truly connected partner should exhibit a consistent curiosity about your well-being and daily experiences.
II. Behavioral Shifts: Lack of Effort and Consideration
Being taken for granted is often expressed through a profound, noticeable drop in the consistent, positive effort your partner once invested in the relationship.
5. They Make Plans Without Consulting You
Your time is as valuable as your partner’s. If your partner consistently schedules activities, commitments, or social events without checking in with you first, it demonstrates a profound lack of respect for your time, availability, and personal preferences.
- Disrespect for Time: Newsome strongly advises requesting that all significant plans be discussed beforehand so that your availability and feelings are equally considered. The failure to include you in decisions that impact your shared life suggests a mindset of singular authority rather than partnership.
6. They Don’t Pull Their Weight at Home
Feeling like you are carrying the primary or sole load with household chores, essential errands, or complex caregiving responsibilities is physically and emotionally exhausting. This imbalance is a classic sign that one partner assumes the other will simply handle it.
- Unfair Burden: O’Reilly recommends making a transparent list of all household tasks to help both partners objectively understand and share responsibilities fairly. Seeing the full list of contributions often helps bridge the subjective perception gap and improves mutual appreciation.
7. They Overlook or Dismiss Special Occasions
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and milestones matter deeply to many people, often serving as critical markers of investment and love. If your partner continually dismisses these moments, it may signal a deeply rooted assumption that you will always be there, regardless of how neglected you feel.
- Assumed Presence: This behavior suggests an underlying security that is, in fact, complacency. They assume the effort is unnecessary because your loyalty is guaranteed. Communicating your expectations clearly—not demanding grand gestures, but demanding acknowledgment and investment—can often help resolve this issue.
8. They Lack Romantic or Flirtatious Effort
Not everyone expresses love through grand, public gestures, but if your partner never engages in flirtation, romance, or specific efforts to make you feel desired, it can be a significant problem that diminishes intimacy.
- Emotional Distance: If you have expressed this need for romantic affirmation and nothing changes, it may mean your core emotional requirements are being ignored. The lack of effort in this area often reflects a deeper emotional distance or a complacency that assumes your desire is permanent and unconditional.
III. The Ultimate Warning Signs: Betrayal and Blame
These signs are the most severe and damaging indicators that the relationship has entered a crisis state, demanding immediate self-protection.
9. They Are Unfaithful
Cheating is unequivocally one of the strongest, most painful signs that your partner is taking you and your commitment for granted.
- Ultimate Disrespect: Infidelity suggests a fundamental disrespect for the partner, the relationship, and the shared vows of exclusivity. It indicates an assumption that you will either never find out, or that you will stay and endure the betrayal regardless. Addressing infidelity openly, honestly, and perhaps with professional counseling is paramount for understanding the total collapse of trust and commitment.
10. They Disregard Your Feelings and Well-Being
If your partner’s actions repeatedly cause you pain—choosing others over you, making major upsetting decisions unilaterally, or being consistently disrespectful in public—it is a clear warning that they prioritize their own convenience over your psychological and emotional well-being.
- Nurturing vs. Damaging: Relationships should be a source of nurture, support, and stability, not a source of chronic anxiety and damage. When a partner consistently chooses actions that hurt you, it’s a failure of empathy and partnership.
11. They Come and Go Without Consideration
A partner who acts entirely on their own terms, making abrupt entrances and exits without any regard for your time, schedule, or needs, may not truly value you as an equal partner.
- Lack of Reciprocity: Newsome suggests discussing these feelings directly, explaining that you need reciprocity and consideration. The failure to integrate your life and time into their planning suggests a lifestyle of singular convenience, treating the relationship as an auxiliary utility rather than a core commitment.
12. You Feel Like You’re Never Enough
Sometimes, the most profound sign of being taken for granted is not a specific action, but a pervasive, lingering feeling. If your partner’s presence in your life consistently makes you doubt your worth, question your efforts, or feel like you are constantly failing, it is a sign that they do not truly appreciate or value you as you are.
- Eroded Worth: This feeling is a powerful signal that the relationship is actively draining your self-esteem. That is a crucial indicator that the partnership needs urgent reevaluation, therapy, or termination.
13. Your Partner Is Your Biggest Critic, Not Your Cheerleader
While constructive feedback is a healthy, necessary part of growing together, relentless, constant criticism is toxic and harmful. If your partner functions primarily as your critic, rather than your cheerleader, the negativity will inevitably bring the relationship down. A supportive partner focuses on your strengths; one who takes you for granted focuses only on your flaws.
IV. The Path Forward: Communication, Boundaries, or Exit
Spotting these signs requires courage, and addressing them requires a clear strategy that prioritizes your self-respect.
The Communication Imperative
Before any drastic action, address the gratitude gap directly. Use “I” statements to describe your feeling and your need for expression: “I feel undervalued when I spend two hours cooking dinner and no one says thank you. I need you to commit to verbalizing your appreciation.”
Establishing Clear Boundaries
If the behavior is chronic (e.g., dismissing your feelings or making unilateral plans), you must set non-negotiable boundaries. Define the behavior and the consequence: “If you make a plan that affects my time without consulting me first, I will not participate in that activity.”
Prioritizing Self-Respect
Ultimately, if communication and boundary-setting fail—if the partner is unwilling to change, apologize, or acknowledge the harm—the lack of respect signals a failure of the relationship itself. Your self-worth is not dependent on their appreciation. You deserve a partner who sees your value every single day, without being reminded.
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