The Classic ‘Forget’: My Boyfriend Always ‘Forgets’ His Credit Card When We Eat Out, And I’m Tired of Footing the Bill

The uncomfortable scenario is universally relatable: the enjoyable dinner concludes, the conversation dies down, and the moment arrives to settle the bill. Then, the sudden realization hits—the wallet, or the credit card, is missing. While momentarily embarrassing, it’s a common oversight most people have made once or twice. However, the critical line between a simple, absentminded mistake and a deliberate, calculated pattern is drawn by repetition and predictability. Forgetting a wallet once is an accident; consistently “forgetting” it, particularly only when the check arrives, suggests something far more sinister, exploitative, and financially coercive is happening beneath the surface of the relationship.

This precise and emotionally painful dilemma landed recently on Reddit’s popular “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) forum, where one woman sought advice from the internet community. She asked if she was wrong for finally refusing to cover the entire cost of her boyfriend’s and his children’s meal—a request she had been forced to fulfill countless times before due to his highly suspicious “forgetfulness” regarding his credit card. The woman’s story quickly became a compelling case study on recognizing the crucial early warning signs of financial exploitation and manipulation in modern dating. Her decisive action, though painful, served as a powerful lesson in self-protection and boundary enforcement.

I. The Anatomy of Exploitation: Nine Months of Financial Imbalance

The Familiar Predicament and The Routine of Deceit

The Original Poster (OP) shared a detailed narrative revealing that she and her boyfriend had been together for nine months. He has two young daughters from a previous relationship, and they had established a comforting, seemingly positive ritual of dining out weekly. This activity appeared, on the surface, to be a constructive effort to bond with his children and establish a comfortable, familial dynamic. Unfortunately, every single one of these outings always concluded on a sour, unequal note: her boyfriend consistently, and with suspicious regularity, left his wallet behind, forcing her to settle the entire check every single time.

This was no isolated incident; it had devolved into a completely predictable, albeit infuriating, farce. As the meal concluded and the moment to pay arrived, the boyfriend would perform his practiced routine: he would pat his pockets with a look of feigned surprise and disappointment, immediately launching into a well-rehearsed excuse, claiming, “I must’ve left it in the car” or “I changed my pants and forgot my wallet.” Each and every time, the financial burden of the full, often sizable, bill fell squarely and exclusively on her. This long-running, one-sided arrangement had visibly morphed from a minor irritation into a blaring, neon warning sign of financial exploitation and deep emotional manipulation.

The Final Reminder and The Test of Character

The OP, growing increasingly weary of the predictable deception and seeking to assert a gentle boundary, decided to take a crucial preventive measure before their latest outing. She sent her boyfriend a preemptive text message, kindly and clearly reminding him to bring his wallet to avoid any further “misunderstanding” at the restaurant. Her intent was to offer him a clear and undeniable opportunity to correct the pattern or, at the very least, to be prepared to admit his financial status before the final bill arrived.

His reaction to this gentle reminder, however, was immediately alarming and highly telling. Rather than acknowledging the reminder with genuine gratitude or making a sincere effort to be careful, he simply dismissed it with a casual laugh. If someone were truly forgetful and absentminded, a partner’s helpful, thoughtful reminder should be deeply appreciated as a gesture of care. Instead, the boyfriend treated it as a joke—a minor, easily surmountable hurdle in his ongoing scheme—and, predictably, arrived at the restaurant once again without any means to pay. His flippant attitude signaled a profound lack of respect for her time, money, and emotional boundaries.

The Escalation of Entitlement

This time, the atmosphere felt profoundly different, charged with an unspoken tension. His daughters, perhaps conditioned by the previous experiences where the girlfriend always silently absorbed the cost, began ordering the most expensive, extravagant items on the menu—indulging in fancy dishes and costly drinks. They were likely operating under the assumption, implicitly or explicitly communicated by their father, that their elaborate dinner tab would be effortlessly and reliably covered by the financially convenient girlfriend. The OP, a working woman with her own financial limitations, faced yet another unnecessarily large bill that, by all ethical standards of partnership, should not have been her sole responsibility to shoulder. The situation had aggressively escalated from minor deceit to a blatant, family-wide entitlement, all enabled and engineered by the boyfriend’s calculated negligence.

II. Shattering the Cycle: The Walk-Out and The Veto

Walking Away: The Assertion of the Boundary

The point had been reached where the financial and emotional pattern was undeniable. The woman, knowing she had to act decisively to protect her future, confronted him at the table. She asked him one last time if he had his wallet, offering him a final, clear chance to stop the charade and be truthful. He performed his practiced act of disappointment: “I suppose I left it in the other pair of jeans I thought I was going to wear,” and then, with practiced ease, requested that she cover the expense “just this time”—a phrase he had used countless times before.

This calculated request, made after her clear warning, was her absolute breaking point. Instead of silently absorbing the cost, she chose to assert herself and enforce a non-negotiable boundary. She grabbed her purse, making a decisive, intentional move, and announced firmly that she would NOT be paying “this time AGAIN,” and wished him and his children well with their dinner.

When he immediately questioned her abrupt departure, demanding to know where she was going, she stood firm. She informed him clearly and unequivocally that she was not paying the bill this time. If he and his daughters wished to enjoy their expensive meal, they would need to find a way—any way—to pay for it themselves, as that was the basic expectation of a responsible, non-exploitative adult. With that final, powerful statement, she walked out of the restaurant, leaving him to face the very real, immediate, and public consequences of his manipulative behavior. The immediate consequence was sharp: he was forced to cancel the entire order and leave the restaurant with his children, likely without eating, and was absolutely furious about the sudden, unexpected financial accountability.

III. The Aftermath: Weaponizing the Children

The Aggressive Accusations and Deflection

The fallout from the woman’s refusal to be scammed was immediate and intensely unpleasant. The livid boyfriend contacted her shortly after, aggressively accusing her of being heartless and completely lacking compassion for his daughters. He attempted the classic, aggressive manipulation tactic: portraying her action as selfish and destructive. He claimed, with immense exaggeration, that she was willing to let his kids go hungry because of her “selfishness,” effectively trying to deflect the blame for his own lack of preparation and deceit.

The OP concluded her post by recounting the argument: “We had a fight, and he’s been angry at me ever since, saying things about how I need to examine how I treat the kids and that I was willing to let them go hungry because of my selfishness,” and asked the community if her actions were wrong or unjustifiable.

The Community Verdict: Unified Condemnation

The community verdict was swift, unified, and overwhelmingly supportive of the woman, agreeing that she was unequivocally “NTA” (Not The A**hole). The commenters recognized that his “forgetting” was not a neurological issue but a calculated, intentional form of financial exploitation. The consensus was immediate: the boyfriend was a manipulative jerk who sought to emotionally and financially drain his partner.

Financial Exploitation: Commenters immediately pointed to the financial imbalance: he consistently used her money for meals that involved his children, who were now ordering expensive items under the false assumption of her perpetual generosity.
Weaponizing the Children: The community universally condemned his subsequent attempt to guilt her by claiming she hurt the children. This is a classic, deeply toxic tactic used to deflect responsibility, leverage a partner’s empathy, and manipulate others’ well-being for selfish, financial control. The father was responsible for his children’s hunger, not the girlfriend who refused to be scammed.
The Red Flags: The consensus was clear that this type of manipulative, dishonest, and financially unbalanced behavior, appearing only nine months into the relationship, indicated serious, entrenched character flaws that would inevitably worsen over time.

One widely upvoted comment encapsulated the general feeling of the entire community and the clear advice: “You are not the A*****. Darling, you need to leave this loser. He will financially drain you and constantly demean you for the rest of your life.” Another commenter added: “NTA. This man is a manipulative jerk. He is displaying major red flags. EDIT: You’re a hero for leaving. If you had stayed, he would have manipulated you into paying. This entire scenario was his doing.“

IV. The Psychological Cost of Financial Manipulation

The Definition of Financial Abuse

What the woman experienced was a form of financial abuse or exploitation, which is often subtle but deeply damaging. Financial abuse is defined as behavior that controls or exploits a person’s financial resources. In this case, the boyfriend was using deliberate deceit and emotional manipulation to ensure he retained his own money while forcing his partner to bear his financial responsibility, including costs associated with his children. This created a deeply unequal and abusive dynamic.

The Erosion of Trust and Boundaries

The relationship exhibited serious and undeniable unhealthy signs. Nine months of regular financial imbalance and calculated dishonesty—all revolving around a recurring wallet “oversight”—served to erode the foundation of trust. The boyfriend’s willingness to laugh off her polite text reminder was a rejection of her attempt to set a boundary and a confirmation of his intent to continue the exploitation. Healthy partnerships demand mutual respect, clear and honest financial communication, and a shared, equal willingness to assume responsibility. His behavior demonstrated a profound lack of all three.

The Act of Self-Protection and Agency

The ultimate takeaway from the Reddit community was crystal clear: choosing not to pay after being repeatedly and consciously taken advantage of is not selfish—it is self-protection. By bravely walking out of the restaurant, the woman courageously took back her power, asserted her financial integrity, and forced her dishonest boyfriend to confront the real-world, immediate consequences of his manipulative behavior. In that singular, decisive moment, she demonstrated remarkable integrity and the unwavering courage necessary to protect her own self-worth and financial future. The incident was a harsh but necessary lesson that revealed the true character of the man she was dating.

The Classic ‘Forget’: My Boyfriend Always ‘Forgets’ His Credit Card When We Eat Out, And I’m Tired of Footing the Bill

I. The Anatomy of Exploitation: Nine Months of Financial Imbalance

The Familiar Predicament and The Routine of Deceit