It may be difficult to navigate family relationships, particularly when they involve your significant other’s family. Even if you make an effort to connect and form bonds with everyone, it’s normal to feel alienated. It can be quite painful and challenging to deal with this sense of being outside. A similar circumstance was described by a Reddit member.
A woman and her mother-in-law got into a fight.
I’ve been dating my partner Nick for three years, approaching four now. I was really friendly with his family before to this occurrence. I believed we were very close since I was asked to spend holidays with them and we exchanged presents on birthdays.
Nick’s family takes a summer vacation every year, and this year we went somewhere I had been dying to see. I asked his mother, who was organizing the vacation, whether I might go if I could cover my own expenses. I wasn’t family yet, so I apologized, but this was a family trip, she explained. When I informed Nick, he replied that no one’s significant other was invited, so I wasn’t the only one left out. Even though I was still angry, I forgot about it.
Fall has here, and the temperature is dropping. To commemorate the chilly weather, I cooked my family’s chili dish for Nick’s family to come over. I made sure they had plenty chili to go home because Nick and his family adore it. Nick’s mother asked if I could give her the recipe so she could cook it for a potluck at work before she went. Sorry, but this is a family recipe that is kept under wraps. Did we already think of us as family? she inquired. I answered that, in your opinion, we aren’t. She then said, “Oh, ok,” and walked away.
After everyone left, Nick accused me of being unkind. I told him that it wasn’t his mother who had initially claimed that I wasn’t family and that she couldn’t decide when we were. He said that I was being petty and that that was an entirely different circumstance. After that, he departed and hasn’t spoken to me in a few days. We’re not family, thus it’s okay for his mother to refuse me something, but when I do the same, am I wrong in doing so?
She gave a status report on the matter.
I spoke with Nick’s mother. We’ve gone through it, after all. I described how I’d been upset after hearing her remark, “I’m not family,” to my face stung. The fact that she only thought of me as family when she needed something from me only served to worsen my feelings. His mother expressed regret and stated she never intended for it to appear that way. She attempted to convey that the vacation serves as a formal welcome present or a reward for getting married.
Along with his apology, Nick said he was unaware of what his mother had told me. He mistook her statement that I couldn’t attend for her rejection that I wasn’t family. He acknowledged that the reasonable half of his brain was overridden by seeing his mother upset, which is why he didn’t stop thinking and responded angrily right away. Nick and his mother seem cautious around me even though we had a conversation about it; I’m not sure whether this is preferable to them giving me the cold shoulder, though.
The Reddit community gave her a lot of encouragement and support.
- “It is unimaginable to discover after four years of dating that they do not consider you to be family. Three months into our dating relationship, my spouse’s mother invited me to join their family for the first time! I would have reconsidered my status, not just in his family’s eyes but also in his own, if she had continued to treat me in this manner years into our relationship and my husband had been cool with it. It’s about how they see you, not simply about a recipe or a trip. haillordvecna / Reddit
- It’s only because they’re hypocrites that you are at fault. There wouldn’t be an issue with regular individuals. I would urge Nick to clarify how this is a very different circumstance. Family vacations are meant to be spent with family. She says that you are not family. Family members only use family recipes. She says she is not related to anyone. Make sense of it! inFinEgan / Reddit
- Let’s take another look at the last section. You are not relatives, according to your BF’s mother, and he didn’t argue. He did not defend you. He did not withdraw into his own world. This is really eye-opening. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who seems to be okay with excluding you from their life? I think you’ve learned something crucial about this man and his family, and it’s not pretty. I believe that couples counseling is necessary if you wish to keep this relationship going. If he refuses, go without him and discuss the situation with an impartial third party. CPSue / Reddit
Family disputes are not unusual. One man changed his and his wife’s tickets to a different place since he was so opposed to taking a family vacation.
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