What Really Pushes Women to Cheat? A Relationship Expert Breaks It Down

Infidelity is a complicated and emotionally sensitive issue that affects relationships worldwide, regardless of culture, background, or socioeconomic status. While popular stories and media narratives often simplify cheating, reducing it to mere lust or malice, the truth, particularly concerning why women cheat, is far more nuanced, deeply psychological, and almost always rooted in emotional deficit within the primary relationship. Relationship expert Tracey Cox, along with extensive social research, emphasizes that understanding why women cheat involves looking not just at behavioral outcomes but at profound emotional, psychological, and situational influences that lead to vulnerability. This analysis delves into six major, interlocking reasons why women may be unfaithful, revealing the complex, internal factors behind infidelity.

I. The Emotional Starvation: Neglect and Disconnection

The most frequently cited cause for female infidelity stems not from a desire for a new partner, but from a profound internal deficit within the existing partnership. This is a quest for validation and connection that has withered in the primary relationship.

3. The Struggle with Emotional Needs

For the vast majority of women who seek connection outside of their marriage or partnership, emotional neglect is the primary catalyst. The relationship is not dead, but it is starving.

The Statistical Truth: Research from the UK and Australia consistently shows that a staggering 65% of women who confessed to cheating identified emotional emptiness as the main cause of their infidelity. The issue is a chronic lack of deep, meaningful communication that leaves them feeling invisible, unheard, and unvalued, creating a cavernous emotional gap that an affair might temporarily fill.
The Definition of Neglect: Tracey Cox points out that emotional unfulfillment isn’t just about talking less; it’s about a missing quality of connection. It manifests as a lack of shared intimacy, a failure to register a partner’s shifting emotional state, or the inability to share life’s important moments—the partner is physically present but emotionally absent. “When women feel their emotional needs aren’t valued, it opens them up to vulnerability,” Cox explains.
The Desire for Resonance: Women often report that the affair partner simply made them feel seen and heard—they provided attunement. This external validation temporarily restores the sense of worth and intimacy that was lost in the primary partnership.

1. Haunted by a Sense of Being Left Behind

The problem often goes beyond just feeling emotionally unfulfilled—it becomes a deep, frightening sense of abandonment or disconnection, fundamentally challenging the security of the relationship.

The Commitment Gap: Studies specifically highlight that women are four times more likely than men to cheat if they perceive their partner is not fully committed or is psychologically checked out of the relationship. This disconnect damages self-esteem and sparks an urgent desire for validation.
Impact on Self-Worth: Cox explains, “The absence of emotional presence often affects women more profoundly because it impacts their sense of worth and security within the relationship.” The fear of being abandoned—either physically or emotionally—can compel the woman to seek reassurance of her desirability elsewhere, seeking an affair as a temporary, if destructive, way to secure her self-esteem.

II. The Power Dynamics: Control, Retaliation, and Imbalance

Infidelity can also arise not from a passive emotional lack, but from an active struggle to manage power, resentment, or deep-seated anger within the partnership.

2. Understanding Unequal Power in Partnerships

Power struggles are inevitable in a long-term relationship, but when the balance is chronically unequal, it can lead some women to cheat as a psychological way to regain control or assert their independence.

Sources of Imbalance: These imbalances might arise from financial inequality (where one partner controls resources), one partner dominating all decisions (from parenting to moving), or simply feeling constantly ignored or silenced in discussions.
The Resentment Factor: Cox stresses the cumulative effect of being undervalued: “If one person regularly feels undervalued, resentment grows.” When direct communication about roles and responsibilities breaks down, an affair—conducted entirely in secret—may seem like the only viable way to reclaim personal agency, proving that they are still desirable and capable of independent action outside the stifling structure of the marriage.

5. When Betrayal Leads to Retaliation (Revenge Cheating)

Revenge cheating, though often debated in terms of its emotional drivers, occurs when women attempt to restore balance after a partner’s prior betrayal, typically infidelity.

Driven by Pain and Anger: This type of infidelity is not driven primarily by attraction, connection, or lust, but by a consuming need to regain control and self-respect following the initial, profound hurt. The psychological aim is to level the playing field or make the original betrayer understand the depth of the pain they inflicted.
A Strategy of Destruction: Cox explains that this type of infidelity arises from a dangerous combination of pain and anger. “Revenge cheating isn’t about seeking love or pleasure—it’s about reclaiming power after feeling deeply wronged,” she notes. However, these actions seldom lead to genuine emotional healing or reconciliation and usually serve only to complicate and ultimately destroy the remaining relationship structure.

III. Situational Triggers: Stress, Monotony, and Personal Identity

External factors related to the pressures of modern life, boredom, or the loss of personal identity often create the necessary situational vulnerability for infidelity to occur.

4. The Role of Stress in Women’s Decisions to Cheat

The relentless pressures of life—such as demanding work schedules, the logistics of child-rearing, domestic management, and personal expectations—can leave women feeling perpetually overwhelmed and exhausted.

The “Life Admin” Burden: As Christie Kim notes, these everyday responsibilities are often dubbed “life admin.” As author Esther Perel has compared, modern relationships can feel less like a romance and more like running a small business together with your partner, turning intimacy into an item on a to-do list.
The Escape Mechanism: For some women, having an affair provides a temporary, non-negotiable escape from the relentless weight of domestic and professional responsibility. The affair offers moments of pleasure, personal satisfaction, and a required pause in which they are seen as an individual again, rather than simply “Mom,” “Wife,” or “Employee.” The affair is an act of reclaiming lost personal identity and autonomy.

6. The Desire for Excitement and Novelty (Monogamy vs. Desire)

While less frequently cited than emotional neglect, the simple decay of excitement and novelty—or the perception of a boring future—can push women toward infidelity.

Monogamy’s Challenge: A long-term, stable relationship requires significant effort to maintain romantic and intimate spark. When the relationship becomes monotonous and predictable, the woman may yearn for the thrill and energy of a new connection.
Self-Exploration: Sometimes, the affair is less about the other person and more about self-exploration, a desire to experience a lost part of one’s identity—the spontaneous, thrilling self that existed before the responsibilities of marriage and family took over. The new partner facilitates an identity that the marriage no longer supports.

IV. A Path Forward: Awareness, Empathy, and Prevention

Understanding the complex roots of infidelity—whether emotional, psychological, or situational—is not intended to justify the behavior, but it provides couples with a crucial opportunity to tackle the underlying problems early and proactively.

How Awareness Strengthens Connections

Cox emphasizes that open communication, nurturing emotional closeness, and deliberately keeping the relationship fresh can greatly lower the chances of cheating.

Prevention Through Presence: “Prevention begins with a sincere, consistent effort to stay connected—not only during tough times but every day,” Cox advises. This means prioritizing quality time, listening actively, and consistently asking about a partner’s internal, emotional world.
Proactive Maintenance: A secure relationship is not passive. It requires proactive maintenance: scheduling time for genuine intimacy, taking breaks from the “life admin” discussion, and committing to shared goals that generate excitement.

Closing Thoughts: Journey Toward Healing and Growth

Infidelity continues to be a painful, devastating challenge in many relationships, yet if confronted honestly, it can also serve as a crisis that forces reflection and personal growth. By understanding the profound emotional, physical, and situational reasons behind why women cheat, couples have the opportunity to work together to reinforce their connection, addressing the needs that were left unmet.

As Cox sums up, “A healthy relationship isn’t about steering clear of issues—it’s about confronting them together with honesty and empathy.” The most resilient relationships are those that survive a crisis by committing to build a deeper foundation of security, mutual respect, and emotional presence.