Even while we may eagerly await letters from people we love, not all of the news in those letters is positive. Because reading one of such messages might send us to the lowest points of despair, we could even come to regret doing so.
In the joke that follows, a husband penned a letter to his wife addressed to Dear John, and something similar happened. He wanted to end things with her, but he wanted to do it in a cowardly way—by informing her over the phone instead of in person.
The hilarious thing was that she also had a letter to write to him. That wasn’t the funny part. Take pleasure in this joke and allow it to serve as a lesson for all of us.
Dear Wife,
I’m writing to inform you that I am leaving you forever. I have been a nice man to you for seven years and have nothing to show for it. The previous two weeks have been dreadful.
Your supervisor called to inform me you resigned your job today, and that was the final straw.
Last week, you arrived home and didn’t notice I had a fresh haircut, made your favorite dinner, and was wearing a beautiful new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes and fell asleep immediately after watching all of your soap operas.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t desire sex or anything that binds us together as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you no longer love me; whichever! In any case, I’m gone.
Your ex-husband.
P.S. Do not try to find me. Your SISTER and I are heading out to West Virginia together!
Have a wonderful life!—
Dear ex-husband,
Nothing has brightened my day more than receiving your note. True, you and I have been married for seven years, but a nice guy is not what you have been.
I watch soap operas so much because they block out your continual moaning and complaining. Too bad it doesn’t function.
I did notice when you got your hair cropped last week, but the first thing that sprang to me was ‘You look just like a female!’ I didn’t comment since my mother taught me not to say anything if it wasn’t polite.
And when you made my favorite dinner, you must have mistaken me for MY SISTER, because I quit eating pig seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I looked away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I hoped it was simply a coincidence since my sister had borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. So when I won the lottery for ten million dollars, I quit my job and got us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I returned home, you were gone. Everything occurs for a reason, I believe. I hope you lead the fulfilled life you have always desired. My lawyer stated that the letter you prepared guaranteed that you will not receive any money from me. So be careful.
Signed: Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free!
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