Human speech that proves we’re going downhill fast.

People telling us their faith in mankind has been restored is a common story. It’s excellent news when it happens since it doesn’t happen very often.

However, the short stories that follow depict the times we live in. These are stories that, instead of boosting our faith in others, tend to erode it.

You will chuckle at the stories that follow. Not only are they ridiculous, but you’ve most likely already seen them happen, therefore they may be true.

1: I paid the clerk a $5 bill when my spouse and I passed through the McDonald’s driveway window.

Since we had $4.25 total, I also gave her 25 cents.

You gave me too much money, she remarked.

“Yes, I know,” I replied, “but this way you can just give me back a dollar.”

With a sigh, she proceeded to get the manager, who asked me to reiterate what I had asked.

After I had done that, he gave me back the 25 cents and apologized, saying, “We don’t do that kind of thing.”

I was then given 75 cents back in change by the cashier.

Don’t be perplexing to the folks at MacD’s.


The garage door needed to be fixed.

The repairman informed us that one of the issues we were having was that the opener’s motor was not “large” enough.

After giving it some thought, I stated that we had the largest one produced at the time—a 1/2 horsepower.

He answered, “You need a 1/4 horsepower,” shaking his head.

He exclaimed, “NOOO, it’s not,” when I said that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. Two is not as huge as four.

Since then, we haven’t utilized that repairman.


My neighborhood is semi-rural.

The DEER CROSSING sign on our road has to be taken down, according to a recent request from a new neighbor who called the local city council office.

The rationale is that “cars are hitting too many deer out here!” This isn’t a safe area for kids to be traversing anymore, in my opinion.



My daughter placed an order for a taco at a Mexican fast-food restaurant.

She requested “minimum lettuce” from the lady behind the desk.

They had iceberg lettuce only, he apologized.


As I was checking in at the gate at the airport, a worker there inquired,

“Has someone packed something in your luggage without telling you?”

“If it was without my knowledge, how would I know,” I retorted.

With a knowing smile, he nodded and said, “That’s why we ask.”


When it’s safe to cross the street, the pedestrian light on the corner beeps.

My “intellectually challenged” coworker and I were crossing paths.

I was asked what the purpose of the beeper was by her.

I clarified that when the light becomes red, it alerts those who are blind.

“What on earth are blind people doing driving?” she said, horrified.

She works for the government.


My spouse and I were informed that the keys had been locked inside the automobile when we went to pick it up from the dealership following a servicing.

When we arrived at the service center, a mechanic was frantically trying to open the driver’s side door.

I tested the door handle out of impulse as I observed from the passenger side and found it to be unlocked.

I called out to the technician, “Hey, it’s open!”

“I know,” was his response. I completed that side previously.

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